I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
