What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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