I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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