OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
