A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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