when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
