Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
