He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
