I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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