I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my liver is dry heaving
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
