Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
