I CAN MOONWALK!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
