I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize