the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
