I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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