how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
