I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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