Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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