Only a mothe r could love this liver
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
