Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Enjoy the penises
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
