That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize