I want to walk on stilts...naked
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
