i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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