I wish I only lived at night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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