to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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