I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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