I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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