I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
