four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
