He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
