brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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