I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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