they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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