I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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