Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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