I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
