how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
