Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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