i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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