It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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