Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We got so high we made milksteak
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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