you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
