my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
