I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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