Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
