mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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