Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
