I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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