Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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