Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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