Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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