win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
