Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
