last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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