so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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