I CAN MOONWALK!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
