allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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