so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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