i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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