we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
