Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
