My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
