just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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